Growing Up

I actually meant to write sooner, but the elements of that particular post didn’t feel quite right. I was gonna write about the differences between Taipei and Montreal, but it didn’t feel authentic. It didn’t feel like it really came from my heart.

So, instead, I’ll write about my experiences here so far.

Just like everyone, I thought that teaching abroad would be easy. Sure, I’ll have to adapt to a new environment, and get used to the job, but I’ll be fine. How hard can it possibly be?

As always, I was wrong and still have much to learn.

The first months are always the best, it’s the honeymoon phase. You experience everything for the first time and everyday seems like an adventure. You’re happy, you cherish the freedom that you have and you can finally be your own person. You don’t have any commitments or responsibilities. You’re living the dream.  

And then, before you know it, it hits you.

After a while, it gets frustrating: you’re unable to be fully functional in this environment. Not only do you not speak the language, you can’t understand anything either. This considerably limits your choices as to what you can eat and do. You’re confined in this type of bubble, you can only go so far/ do so much. You get frustrated because no one understands you and it gets tiring. You don’t feel like experimenting so much because you’re tired and don’t think it’s worth the effort anymore. As a result, you content yourself with a type a routine, a lonely and senseless routine.

You miss home and feel incredibly lonely, especially since you’re alone in your apartment. Sure, there are the colleagues, the acquaintances and the neighbours, but you can’t really count on them for emotional support. You can’t dump all of your feelings on them, you can’t burden them with all that baggage you’re carrying. You just can’t.

So, you keep all of your emotions to yourself. You cry by yourself, alone. You start missing the little things from back home: the food, the people you love and the ability to function properly. You start spending your days cooped up in your room, watching videos about your home city, thinking about how wonderful it is and how much you miss it. You wonder what everyone back home must be doing. Are they working? Are they well? Do they think about you as much as you do them?

You knew it would be difficult being away, that this phase would hit you eventually. Still, you’re caught off guard as to how hard it is and wonder how long this feeling would last. You wonder if coming here was the right choice. You start doubting yourself and start counting down the days before you head back home.

Then, eventually, you start reaching out to people. You seek advice, you ask them how they cope with being away from home for such a long time. You start talking to people back home to seek comfort and that connection to your past life. You remember that you’re not completely alone in this and the people back home love and care about you. They reassure you that you did the right decision and keep cheering you on. So, slowly, you gain your confidence back. You gradually start accepting your new life and think about ways to make it better here.

The solution for all of this? Go out. Make new friends. Seek meaningful human contact. Someone dear to me sent me a link about how to make new friends. It’s pretty much a step by step guide about how to make new friends. At first, I thought it was a joke. “Psh, of course I know how to make new friends! How else would I have survived all this time? I am socially apt and capable of conducting human interactions”.

And then I read the article.  It was a great read, it had a hopeful tone and wasn’t condescending at all. When you’re stripped of your friends, family and everything else that would make your social life easy and comfortable, you have to go back to basics.

** Side note**

I tried using this website- meetup.com - to find friends with common interests and participate in activities. It’s not bad. I’ve met some interesting people. I’ve also tried OKCupid, a dating website. Depending on what you’re looking for, it’s worth checking.

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So, after a few weeks, after meeting some people and accepting your new life, things just start falling into place. You start developing substantial friendships and life is more enjoyable. You’re happy again. It’s not the honeymoon phase you had in the beginning, but you’ve made peace with a lot of things. You smile more and have more positive thoughts. Life here isn’t so bad.

In the end, it’s quite the emotional roller coaster. Nonetheless, you start developing a mindset. You realize that you’re not as super, as strong as you thought and that it’s normal to have these feelings. It’s okay to feel sad, stressed, scared and lonely. You need to acknowledge these feelings, learn to deal with them in a healthy way.

After all the tears and self-doubt, this experience has changed you. For the better. You have a better understanding of yourself and have become a better person. You’ve grown emotionally and embraced your humanity.  

And last but not least, you realize this: you’re growing up.

Till then,

Keep it sassy


PS: I actually had a similar experience about 3 years ago, when I was doing a student exchange in Finland. Perhaps not as intense because I still had 2 roommates and was not yet burdened with so many adult responsibilities... Read about it here (it’s towards the end)