What I Want to Tell my Students

Dear students,

As we neared the end of the school year, I found myself relating to you much more than I ever thought I would. After being with you-growing and learning with you- I couldn’t help but see myself again at your place, at 14.

At 14, we face the same insecurities and share the same victories. We both have dreams, aspirations, and want the same things. We want to be popular and have a great future. We have big dreams, want to change the world and think anything is possible.

Still, however big our dreams may be, reality always strikes us.

I get it. You’re under incredible stress right now. School is almost everything. Both you and your parents have very high expectations.

To be successful in life, you need to be well educated. To be well educated, you need to go to the best school. To get into the best school, you need to do well in your current school and do well on that dreaded test. To do well in that test, you need to spend countless hours studying. To help you study harder, you need to go to a cram school. You did badly on your test? Work harder and study some more. It’s as simple as that, an endless cycle. It’s the only path to success.

Or is it?

Success should not be measured by fame or money. It should be measured by your own little victories, your own accomplishments. The recipe to success is different for everyone. You have to make your own recipe for it, you have the power to choose the ingredients and decide what the outcome should be.

Girls, embrace your intelligence. Don’t play dumb because boys seem to like it. The ones that will actually respect you will admire your intelligence. State your opinions, but be careful with your words. Words can hurt and poison other people. So always speak with eloquence and aspire to have high hopes and dreams. Work towards them and everything else will fall into place.

I know you want to find love. You want to have that great, romantic, princess-like story that you’ve read about since you were little. You want to be swept off your feet by that chivalrous prince charming.

Love, in theory is great. But don’t spend all your energy on it. You need to learn how to love yourself before you can properly love someone else. Love your body. No body is perfect and every girl has insecurities about her own appearance. Yes, even the prettiest and most popular girl at school.

So, focus on yourself. Love yourself. Learn new things, develop interests and you will be happier. You should be the one controlling your own happiness, not prince charming.

Boys, be in touch with your emotions. You alone can tell yourself/know what type of man you what to be, and make sure to be the best at it.

Manhood is nothing but a construct, an idea stemmed from society. You don’t have to be this super macho man and prove the others you’re super tough. You don’t have to solve your problems through violence. You don’t have to be exceptionally athletic or like sports to prove your manhood.

Of course, you will get bullied. The adults around you, namely your parents, will tell you to fight back, even if you don’t want to.

You will be told to hold back your tears, even if you know crying will help you feel so much better.

You will be convinced that stupid ideas are actually brilliant ones by your fellow friends, even if you know nothing good will come out of them.

And sometimes, you will have no choice but to succumb to those ideals. You will feel powerless and it’s sometimes okay. You can’t win every single fight. You’ll have to pick them and it will feel like the end of the world. But your life will get better. You will meet better people and make better friends. High school is supposed to be awkward, terrible even. It’s okay if you’re riddled with all of these emotions. It’s okay if you feel that your parents don’t understand you. You will do stupid things and get into trouble. It’s okay. It’s all part of growing up.

Oh, and another thing: follow your heart.  I know it’s difficult, trust me, I’ve been there. It’s nearly impossible to go against your parents’ will. They are the ones that have raised you, you were raised to obey them and fulfill their dreams. You’ve been their source of pride ever since you were little. You had this pressure to perform, to outdo everyone around you for as long as you can remember, everything was like a competition. But you’ve grown accustomed to it. You’ve been conditioned to think that way, and it has brought you this far. Your parents really do know what’s good for you.

Still, not matter what, remember this: don’t forget yourself. It’s your life, not theirs. Your happiness should be just as important. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re always the last one in the rankings. It’s okay to suck at school. Maybe you weren’t cut out for academia and have talent for something else. Maybe it’s art, maybe it’s people. Maybe you’ve found it already, maybe you haven’t, and it’s okay. In the end, everything’s going to be alright. As long as you work hard for what you believe in, you will do great. Trust me.

Till then,

Keep it sassy

PS: These ideas are heavily inspired by Anna Akana: How to put on your face + Things Every Girl Should Know and The Representation Project: The Mask We Live in.

Growing Up

I actually meant to write sooner, but the elements of that particular post didn’t feel quite right. I was gonna write about the differences between Taipei and Montreal, but it didn’t feel authentic. It didn’t feel like it really came from my heart.

So, instead, I’ll write about my experiences here so far.

Just like everyone, I thought that teaching abroad would be easy. Sure, I’ll have to adapt to a new environment, and get used to the job, but I’ll be fine. How hard can it possibly be?

As always, I was wrong and still have much to learn.

The first months are always the best, it’s the honeymoon phase. You experience everything for the first time and everyday seems like an adventure. You’re happy, you cherish the freedom that you have and you can finally be your own person. You don’t have any commitments or responsibilities. You’re living the dream.  

And then, before you know it, it hits you.

After a while, it gets frustrating: you’re unable to be fully functional in this environment. Not only do you not speak the language, you can’t understand anything either. This considerably limits your choices as to what you can eat and do. You’re confined in this type of bubble, you can only go so far/ do so much. You get frustrated because no one understands you and it gets tiring. You don’t feel like experimenting so much because you’re tired and don’t think it’s worth the effort anymore. As a result, you content yourself with a type a routine, a lonely and senseless routine.

You miss home and feel incredibly lonely, especially since you’re alone in your apartment. Sure, there are the colleagues, the acquaintances and the neighbours, but you can’t really count on them for emotional support. You can’t dump all of your feelings on them, you can’t burden them with all that baggage you’re carrying. You just can’t.

So, you keep all of your emotions to yourself. You cry by yourself, alone. You start missing the little things from back home: the food, the people you love and the ability to function properly. You start spending your days cooped up in your room, watching videos about your home city, thinking about how wonderful it is and how much you miss it. You wonder what everyone back home must be doing. Are they working? Are they well? Do they think about you as much as you do them?

You knew it would be difficult being away, that this phase would hit you eventually. Still, you’re caught off guard as to how hard it is and wonder how long this feeling would last. You wonder if coming here was the right choice. You start doubting yourself and start counting down the days before you head back home.

Then, eventually, you start reaching out to people. You seek advice, you ask them how they cope with being away from home for such a long time. You start talking to people back home to seek comfort and that connection to your past life. You remember that you’re not completely alone in this and the people back home love and care about you. They reassure you that you did the right decision and keep cheering you on. So, slowly, you gain your confidence back. You gradually start accepting your new life and think about ways to make it better here.

The solution for all of this? Go out. Make new friends. Seek meaningful human contact. Someone dear to me sent me a link about how to make new friends. It’s pretty much a step by step guide about how to make new friends. At first, I thought it was a joke. “Psh, of course I know how to make new friends! How else would I have survived all this time? I am socially apt and capable of conducting human interactions”.

And then I read the article.  It was a great read, it had a hopeful tone and wasn’t condescending at all. When you’re stripped of your friends, family and everything else that would make your social life easy and comfortable, you have to go back to basics.

** Side note**

I tried using this website- meetup.com - to find friends with common interests and participate in activities. It’s not bad. I’ve met some interesting people. I’ve also tried OKCupid, a dating website. Depending on what you’re looking for, it’s worth checking.

****

So, after a few weeks, after meeting some people and accepting your new life, things just start falling into place. You start developing substantial friendships and life is more enjoyable. You’re happy again. It’s not the honeymoon phase you had in the beginning, but you’ve made peace with a lot of things. You smile more and have more positive thoughts. Life here isn’t so bad.

In the end, it’s quite the emotional roller coaster. Nonetheless, you start developing a mindset. You realize that you’re not as super, as strong as you thought and that it’s normal to have these feelings. It’s okay to feel sad, stressed, scared and lonely. You need to acknowledge these feelings, learn to deal with them in a healthy way.

After all the tears and self-doubt, this experience has changed you. For the better. You have a better understanding of yourself and have become a better person. You’ve grown emotionally and embraced your humanity.  

And last but not least, you realize this: you’re growing up.

Till then,

Keep it sassy


PS: I actually had a similar experience about 3 years ago, when I was doing a student exchange in Finland. Perhaps not as intense because I still had 2 roommates and was not yet burdened with so many adult responsibilities... Read about it here (it’s towards the end)